In a mad state of lethargy, aloofness, and apathy, I quit Elements (my school's science magazine) along with just about every other club I had joined earlier in the year. I failed a couple tests, lied one too many times, and convinced myself that my life was falling apart (the usual symptoms of one of my "downs"). But yesterday I was up, and I scheduled an appointment with my chemistry professor (who, as it turns out, is incredibly sweet and remembers so much about my academic history from the top of her head, as if she's a close friend of mine. I also feel like she's on my side, which is behavior that I rarely ever associate with teachers). I made a schedule of things to do. I emailed my editor of Elements apologizing and asking if there's any way I can do anything to contribute, and now I'm back up writing about things I need to research in order to write about (solar sails...damn, I should've taken physics in high school), starting with smaller blurbs but I hope to work my way up sooner or later. I applied for a job (7-11, but I'll take what I can). I wrote post-its to myself with things to get done and things to change. These are the symptoms of my "ups" and they make me motivated.
I'm still procrastinating a shit ton and I still hate chemistry like the devil and I still don't know what I'm going to major in, but those are not issues that will kill me in the near future (and if they do end up getting to me, well then...fuck).
I'm so proud of you. I think your applying for a job is a really great thing and sometimes we do sudden and stupid things, but it's okay. Because, we have to remember to live. I'm sorry you have your downs, but also very glad you're getting through them in your own ways. I miss you to death, but you're doin' great, you're okaay kid...you're ooookay. <3
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