many times we often find ourselves in a state of utter stress, competition, and fierce grueling to create a perfect future - if, that is, we have even 'found ourselves' at that point at all (what I mean is that sometimes we are so engrossed in something that we can hardly even realize what it is that we are really doing). this is applicable especially to students our age, the general youth: killing our bodies and mentally draining ourselves for four years of undergraduate education, constantly under tension under the premise that that tension will eventually get us somewhere, and undergoing bodily problems such as ulcers generated by the mere thought of "what am I going to do when I'm older?!" and I admit, I've fallen victim to this trap - and I'm not necessarily criticizing it, as many people who undergo this protocol of sorts are incredibly successful in their future, but in the long run, when it's time for us to go, what will we be proud of? what will truly make us proud? the fact that we schemed countless immigrants, fired too many to count, and worsened the lives of many faithful and dedicated employees, all to become a major CEO of a terribly corrupt company? or perhaps, as we reach the end, some of us may look back at their lives remembering a life of glamour, addiction, the pain of the constant need for love and affection, the agony of dependency on a substance, the suffering of living with emptiness, the seemingly impossible attainment of willpower. in the end, what really makes a life?
the answer to this question is of course subjective, as we are all vastly different and actively shaping ourselves in various manners. but here's what I thought: although I stressed out here and there at various points in high school, I enjoyed life too - especially during senior year. I have set a future for the next four years for myself, and while doing so I have also realized the importance of the "getting there" part - the part during which you make lifelong friends, discover the dynamic work of love, and understand that life is not idle, but is quickly progressing - as slow as it may seem at other times. I am disgusted by the idea (for myself) of me killing my body and mind for a word: the future.
I believe that in the end, I want to look back satisfied with my life. that said, this is my life of things I want to accomplish:
-a B.S. in neuroscience (I want to go into research but I might go to medical school instead, that is for me to decide in my early years of undergrad. if I do go to med school, however, I don't think it is of integral importance of me to go to the hardest or most prestigious school - not that I could get in anyway. I want to aim high but go somewhere where I won't be on the bottom. I am terrified of that sort of competition).
-I want not more friends, but more times with those I love. this is absolutely crucial.
-a more active role in my church
-I realize that I could never completely financially thank my parents for what they've given to me and how immensely they've supported me (academically, financially, etc.) but I hope to have solid relations with them in the future and do everything I can for them
and when it's all stripped away, these four things are what matter most to me. all four of these things are not something necessarily 'attainable' but are rather that which requires dedication and faithfulness in the long run. it's important because for me, in the end, the journey becomes more important and significant than the destination.
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