9/21, no. 42

From last Saturday until yesterday evening, I did nothing but stay in bed. I skipped a few classes...just to stay in bed. I felt so drained and empty and I just cried and cried for reasons and for no reasons. It felt like I was missing a huge part of my brain, leaving nothing but gaps and emptiness that would take much too long to regenerate.

Around 8:30pm I found the extreme will power to get out of bed, get dressed, look somewhat decent (as opposed to bed hair, oily skin, tear-stained cheeks), and go to Lighthouse, the underground (literally - it meets in the basement) Christian fellowship.

I felt suddenly comfortable being here. I came home to my dorm to see my roommate and some floormates lounging around the room, and I announced the fact that I needed to clean (my dorm had been stinkin it up for a while, and I also felt that my OCD roommate would eventually file a complaint). I'm not consistently the cleanest person, but I find myself going through random sprees of cleaning, during which any speck of dust will drive me crazy. Basically, if I'm gonna clean, it's gotta be an all-or-nothing type of job.

And so my room is clean. And the conglomerate of books that once cluttered my desk (because we use our bookshelf for food) is now neatly sitting in my unfortunately empty bulk cardboard box of cup of noodles. My shoes, which were once scattered around the room, are sitting neatly in the makeshift shoe rack I made (aka my cardboard printer box). So screw you girls at USC and U of Arizona who actually spend money on such things...you guys are idiots, I hope you know. You oughta be ashamed of yourselves. I pity the fool who delves in such decadence.

I also bought a journal on Amazon that is arriving today. I call it "How to be okay while not being with some people and also how to lose weight because my stomach wants me to look like Buddha." (The latter part of the title may be put on a three-month hold seeing as how my parents sent me a "care package" aka "let's get you fat for the holidays so we can throw you in the oven and carve you" package. Just kidding, I know it's out of love...plus I asked for it :P)

On a sidenote, my roommate and I have recently come to the grave conclusion that our dorm hates us. Todd/Phibbs building decided, "Hey let's take the only two girls who wanted to go to Amherst - which has one of the best dorms in the country - and give them the smallest, shittiest dorm in the entire building!" We woke up one morning, got out of bed, and felt extremely cold water surrounding our bare feet - the loosely positioned outlets had caused our refrigerator/freezer to shutdown in the middle of the night, and thus all the ice in the fridge had melted overnight and gave us a warm (but not really) welcome in the morning. And those huge ass mosquito eaters still love our dorm. Really, they do! They (about 10 or so of them usually) all just hang around until we sleep, waiting to rape us or some crazy shit like that.

I've found little to no desire to shop online on Anthropologie/J.Crew. I tried using that as retail therapy over the weekend, but to no avail. Does this mean I'm changing? I don't know what's going on. J.Crew is so pretty. Oh wait, it's probably because I have $3.81 in my account right now.

So these are the trials and tribulations of your typical non-white American girl. They're essentially an off-shoot of "white girl problems," but we get to also complain about white people too and render their problems our problems. It's kind of fun.