11/10, no. 67

Yesterday, I was scheduled to register in the window of 3:30pm-4pm. I wasn't stressing out over classes, which was odd for me, especially because everyone else was stressing madly. I was unusually calm. Perhaps because I've become increasingly numb to the GPA of academia, who knows.

At around 2:00pm yesterday, Richard asked me if I'd go on a Target run with him. Under his assurance that we'd be back by 3pm, I complied. We borrowed our friend Alex's cheap, ghetto '99 Jetta and trekked the eight-or-so miles to Target. All was fair in love and automobile, until we came back to the car after buying Richard's much-needed supplies only to be hit with a whole lot of Murphy's law; the car wouldn't start up, and something in the hood was making sounds that it definitely shouldn't have been making. On top of that, my phone bill wasn't paid so I had no signal anywhere, so Richard and I had to share his cell phone to call Alex as we alternated because I had to call my roommate to ask her to register for me. We popped open the hood and about a half an hour later, the car started up again.

I wasn't stressed at all though. It was an odd, nice feeling. I think that, during the process, Rachel (my roommate) was more stressed than I was!

I had a minor epiphany during this - life isn't going to be about stressing out to register for classes, it's about Murphy's law and accidents happening and fixing mistakes and learning and waiting and having small adventures like broken down cars. 


The relevance of the photo pictured lies in the fact that Paris, coffee, streets, shops, and people-watching are beautiful things that I would love to be encompassed in my life as well.

11/9, no. 66

Walden Pond, Concord, Massachusetts

One of the reasons as to why I love that my dad used to live in Boston is his awareness and understanding with the city, a familiarity that often makes him want to seek other destinations when we go back east. So, instead of simply dwelling on the city (which I would not mind at all), we often go other towns in Massachusetts, like Medford, Gloucester, Rockport, and Concord (which is perhaps my favorite place in Massachusetts after Boston). For those unfamiliar with the small town, it was residence to authors like Louisa May Alcott (Little Women) and Henry David Thoreau (philosopher, various works), and it's also home to sweet ol' Walden Pond, which is an incredible domain of tranquility and history. Thoreau lived on the shores of the pond where he found inspiration and a breath of writing. What I love about it is its plainness; all it really is is a small area of woods and a body of water (with a bench underwater, which is so creepy and beautiful all at once). Its significance lies in its history. One could be walking around and unknowingly be meandering the home of one of the great minds in transcendentalism, since there exists virtually no publicity or means of tourist attraction. In fact, most people at the pond (when I visited) treated it purely as a beach and nothing more. Did they not feel the monumental atmosphere of intellectual capacity that once lived in this area? It was all in my head.

It
was
all
in
my
head.

And here's the not-so-secret truth: I'm infatuated with water.

11/9, no. 65

MIT reexamines campus efforts after 2 suicides.

It's a loose, invented rumor that MIT, one of the most prestigious universities in the world, has the highest rate of suicides in its student body. But with five suicides within a three-year span (between the years of 1998-2001) and counting, this seemingly mythical rumor begins to purge itself of its fictitious nature.

During their undergraduate years, many of my relatives (including my uncle) lived at MIT's MacGregor House, a dorm with a sad history of multiple student suicides. I can only imagine the shock and horror running through not only the immediate family of the victims but also that of the suitemates, the resident advisors, the neighbors, those who shared a "good morning" glance upon waking hours.

My heart goes out to all the friends and families of these students. Despite speculation of the immense stress and, as far as I can tell, impossible workload at the university, we will never know the exact precipitate, the specific collection of thoughts that ran in these students' minds as they made their final decision. Because of this, MIT has dramatically increased their mental health services - and I mean dramatically. Although this is a substantial effort by the administration, I feel that many of the cases they handle are dealt with to unnecessary extremities and exaggerations that result in academic expulsion of some students, which I believe is an extraneous and inappropriate move.

In short, do expand mental health services. Do watch out for students. But please, do it ethically - apply proper counseling or therapy as needed, administer medication when essential - just don't remove students from the undergraduate endowment by ignorantly deeming them "mentally unfit" for such ridiculous reasons. 

11/7, no. 64

Up and down up and down up and down up and down up and down up and down.

11/6, no. 63

Fun fact: none of these pictures were photoshopped! All taken with a simple point-and-shoot 5 megapixel camera, thanks to my friend Kelsey. This past weekend I went to Auburn, Washington, and stayed with a few people from UPS for a Fall Conference at a small retreat site that hugged this beautiful lake. Incredibly beautiful. $$$$$$$-worthy, I felt so lucky to be there. Anyway, it was an incredible time of bonding, understanding, learning, and talking. Philosophy chats (on Kierkegaard, on shame, on beauty) on the lake with some canoe tag, anyone?
I'm constantly mesmerized by the beauty here in Washington. Everyone makes fun of me for it, because I come from such an artificially created town (with modern city plans/blueprints, etc - Orange County is essentially processed food and Washington reminds me of organic food, like from the farmer's market). While canoeing, I saw a bald eagle. At this point I'm just rambling random things I saw and experienced this past weekend. I was prayed for and I got angry that I couldn't see/feel God the way others can. Ultimately, this lake and this site and this weekend were all so beautiful in infinite ways and I'm so thankful I had the opportunity to experience all of it.

11/2, no. 62

I went on a low for a bit today but I read an old blog post that made me really happy and I also phoned a good friend so I'm on an up right now and what I should be doing is celebrating my up by having a dance party but it's cold, it's rainy, and I need to study, so I'll give myself the pleasure of writing for a few minutes before returning to my chemistry book.
I've been doing far too much wishing/complaining and not enough munching/adoring. So, to live up to my blog name, I'll describe my favorite food in the sub (our lazy name for Dining Commons): garden tortellini, served for lunch every Friday. It's delicious and vegetarian (I'm convinced that our vegan/vegetarian dining station throws crack in the meals - it's the best food in the sub!) and one time I got out of my afternoon class late and there was no more garden tortellini left. It's warm and full of variety (two kinds of cheese, all sorts of different veggies, multigrain tortellini pasta, the best veggie/tomato sauce in the world, etc.) which makes it perfect for the increasingly rainy and cold weather. Speaking of the weather, I finally caved and purchased a cheap pair of rainboots online. Eh.
I'm in the library and I think someone's watching me from behind. What I should think is "Fuck others' thoughts, I'm going to express myself without giving a damn about anything!" but instead I'm going to stop writing. Plus it's quieter to read chemistry than to type feverishly on a computer.

11/2, no. 61

I'm going to write as much as I can before I fall back into a low because I'm on a high right now (not a literal high induced by drugs, I'm just in a higher mood - as my friend Patrick puts it, M. Ward described it best for the both of us when he sang "I get so low I need a little pick me up, I get so high I need a bring me down"). So I'm going to try to write better, and I'm going to shove in as many words as I can before I get back down again.
In a mad state of lethargy, aloofness, and apathy, I quit Elements (my school's science magazine) along with just about every other club I had joined earlier in the year. I failed a couple tests, lied one too many times, and convinced myself that my life was falling apart (the usual symptoms of one of my "downs"). But yesterday I was up, and I scheduled an appointment with my chemistry professor (who, as it turns out, is incredibly sweet and remembers so much about my academic history from the top of her head, as if she's a close friend of mine. I also feel like she's on my side, which is behavior that I rarely ever associate with teachers). I made a schedule of things to do. I emailed my editor of Elements apologizing and asking if there's any way I can do anything to contribute, and now I'm back up writing about things I need to research in order to write about (solar sails...damn, I should've taken physics in high school), starting with smaller blurbs but I hope to work my way up sooner or later. I applied for a job (7-11, but I'll take what I can). I wrote post-its to myself with things to get done and things to change. These are the symptoms of my "ups" and they make me motivated.
I'm still procrastinating a shit ton and I still hate chemistry like the devil and I still don't know what I'm going to major in, but those are not issues that will kill me in the near future (and if they do end up getting to me, well then...fuck).