no. 74

after having realized the redundancy in typing out the date in post titles (just a little late on the bandwagon here), post names will henceforth (thanks mayur) be shorter/conciser/better-looking.

i went to saddleback to get shit done and i had some nice conversations with a few people. as i was waiting for matriculation with a couple other students - including a grandfather who bore an uncanny resemblance to chevy chase (who gave me extreme hope in making the hit nbc show community my reality), a fresh high school grad who announced her year and a half of sobriety, and a student deciding between fullerton and saddleback - victoria, the hs grad, broke the silence with a friendly "hi!" to everyone (this is what was going through my mind: oh my LORD thank you so much for saying something thank you so much for possessing the affable extroverted personality that i will never have the balls to bear) and the four of us talked about why we were here (this is beginning to sound like an episode of misfits damn i am making it sound way cooler than it actually was), chevy chase's doppleganger told us about his job as a superintendent for road workers (for those with community service or for those looking for an alternative to prison), we all discussed that people aren't bad, we just do bad things sometimes, etc. so that was nice.

32. i woke up strongly believing that i would get in a car accident today, but i didn't so i'm thankful for that
33. today i went to saddleback to take placement tests, and i got placed for all the classes i want so huzzah
34. saddleback. i am thankful for community college (betcha never heard that one before. this gratefulness may deteriorate within the coming months though, beware). i am thankful to be a part of something for the first time since 2011, although community college may not emanate a huge "community" feel. i am thankful for school. as much as i'm going to miss my UPS friends/campus/dorm life, saddleback has some really eclectic and cool people, as i've discovered today. but i suppose that's true for every virtually every place
35. the fact that my mom just now came running into my room saying "DID YOU KNOW?" (this is the way she starts every big announcement - "ashley! did you know?" "know what?" "did you know that elizabeth is staying till february?!" or "did you know!?" "know what?" "did you know that there's a blue streak on the prius?") she continued, "did you know that gmail is google mail??" "yes...everyone knows" "really? so i'm nobody? but wow..did you know that? wow..g-mail..g-mail.." i then stepped into my bathroom to take a piss, and she stayed right outside my bathroom door verbally illustrating all her awe; "i can't believe it.. gmail is google mail..wow i can't believe it!" i love that my mother turns into a little kid when she discovers random information that is utterly insignificant to the layman.
36. pigs, teacup pigs, trotsky/snowball
37. i got my eyebrows waxed today so my brows have finally matured out of a long and arduous awkward pubescent middle school stage.. a toast to physical maturity
38. i am so grateful for helvetica. things look better, especially like this: 
THIS LOOKS COOL BECAUSE IT'S WRITTEN IN HELVETICA.
39. facebook 'pokes'.. i stil don't fully understand the purpose/hype but might as well throw it on the list cause it maintains some sort of communication with friends, right?
40. we all have problems. it's nice that we're so blessed with the ability to understand (or try to) people. and give each other food/music suggestions/etc
41. sunflower seeds

1/30, no. 73

little is sweeter than going for a mid-morning run and subsequently jumping into a (thankfully completely vacant community) pool for a swim. and then eating a samosa afterwards.

25. economics (i'm learning to love it)
26. the cupcake part of the cupcake (unless the frosting is part of the definition of a 'cupcake'.. in which case no. 26 is rendered 'the less-sweet part of the cupcake')
27. the fact that there is a table of usc/ucla water bottles on sale for $0.39 each at ralph's
28. betty smith, who is basically the first literary blogger
29. seasons, but i can appreciate the freedom under the hot sun
30. dustin o'halloran
31. free lectures from mcgill/cal, mit opencourseware, etc.

1/29, no. 72

today elizabeth and i braved the streets of chinatown and drove around looking for a cheap foot massage place. we scored and found one with a huge sign outside that read "$20 FOR 1 HOUR" and we were sold. so for about an hour and a half (these chinese places will let you stay basically as long as you want if you fall asleep during the massage) we snoozed in a very dark and somewhat sketchy communal massage area (not as gross as it sounds, i assure you). the room was really dark, but the constant visibility of human movement in so dark a place was eerily reminiscent of the film taken (i'd do anything to namedrop anything related to the incredible liam neeson). then we indulged in gluttony as we inhaled our favorite mexican food from carnitas.

10. eating indian food until i feel like the first victim from se7en
11. while we're on the subject - samosas, mint and mango chutney, tikka masala, paneer
12. sunflower seeds
13. walking
14. the smell of a book's internal organs
15. using chopsticks instead of hair ties.. even if they end up falling out after a few minutes
16. 89.3, kpcc, npr
17. andrew bird, chuck palahniuk, trying to eat healthy (failure in doing so is written all over this blog), architecture in helsinki, beirut (and other assorted things with which i obsessed in 7th/8th/9th grade. nostalgia's weird)
18. backpacking.. i haven't done it since august but i've been looking into it (although orange county boasts a severe lack of chilly weather and damp ground, two things that make backpacking/camping wonderful). there's something very wonderful about walking around, seeing beauty, and just living for a few days knowing that you are carrying everything you need on your back
19. things that remind me of other things: i found my senior prom date's boutonniere in my room (what the hell was it doing here?) and it reminded me of that week. i really wanted to be cute/clever and make our floral arrangements out of colored tissue paper/fabrics/twine (i promise i'm not in kindergarten and i promise my date wasn't a pedophile), but my creativity and execution ultimately failed and i resorted to buying a corsage and boutonniere from albertson's grocery on the day of prom
20. reminiscing about how i used to take everything so seriously
21. not taking things so seriously anymore
22. how i met your mother
23. when reality exceeds expectations (i also promise i'm not a pseudo-intellectual 7th grader infatuated with "life lessons" from 500 days of summer)
24. winter

1/28, no. 71

ONE THOUSAND GIFTS.
the author of a blog i came across describes a book that challenges readers "to develop eucharisteo (thanks-giving) by naming blessings in a list of one thousand gifts."
numbers are what have hitherto indicated that i don't know how to use words correctly in my blog posts, but from now on they'll list things for which i am happy/thankful/giddy/blessed/etc. and since 1000 is a big number, this means many future obnoxiously optimistic blog posts, and i hope that this minor commitment will force me to maintain a brighter outlook.

1. having a dream about this song last night. i don't think i've ever had a dream about a song, so this was pretty damn pleasant. i don't have any current personal affiliation with the lyrics or anything, i just remember walking on a seemingly endless street listening to and thinking about the words and the instrumentals and seeing a potentially biblical reference to 'crown of love' (i'm about 100% sure that i pulled it out of my ass in my dream, but there's something there; crowns can be piercing). i haven't listened to much arcade fire in a while, so imagine my excitement upon waking up remembering all the great thoughts and sounds i had! course i immediately opened up itunes and let the song play so i could hear it audibly. this was a nice start. thanks, arcade fire.
2. the ability to create food. the ability to eat food. the ability to microwave delicious frozen foods from trader joe's and inhale that stuff. mmm.
3. water, and my means of drinking it (thank you camelbak).
4. soft lips
5. pinterest and pinteresting. yelp and yelping.
6. falling asleep while talking to friends (apologies for sounding like a cliche 7th grader). it's comforting.
7. seeing my former classmates play in the snow (over a foot of snow!) and create a campus full of quinzhees, igloos, snowmen, snowlion, and other assorted snow things. snow looks so beautiful on the UPS campus. although i'm not there, it makes me really happy to see the little kid in everyone brighten up.
8. scraping off the massive bundles of lint on the lint screen after clothes are done drying.
9. falafels in the freezer, hummus in the fridge

1/24, no. 70

one of the benefits of living at home is that i'm basically a retired senior citizen.. or at least i spend my free time as they do: going to trader joe's during the early afternoon, swimming in the community pool when there are (thank god) no kids around, taking walks around the neighborhood (only i can't be cute and walk around with my partner with whom i've been goin' strong since '55). but let's reflect on one of these benefits: trader joe's. i'm much too un-orange county to go on long runs or yoga classes in the early morning in skimpy spandex, so instead, i often read books or blogs when i wake up. today i browsed through the pages of what's good at trader joe's, a fantastic idea in the form of, you guessed it, trader joe's product reviews, written by an apparently very hungry and very athletic couple. naturally, after reading a few posts, i set out on an incredible journey to san clemente's trader joe's and i majestically purchased falafels, edamame, and random indian foods. and i just ate everything and it is all delicious. evidently my life is ideal and exciting beyond imagination.

major side note: awards season is upon us, and the contenders for the granddaddy of all awards shows have been released (the oscar noms for best picture consist of hugo, midnight in paris, moneyball, the tree of life, war horse, the help, the artist, the descendants, and extremely loud & incredibly close). scores of journals and papers ran stories on the academy awards nominations, but my favorite article is, no surprise here, found on the carpetbagger blog, for anyone interested in some well-written sentiments regarding the oscars '12. digression: midnight in paris was entertaining, well-filmed, and very woody allen, but it was just...cute; why did it get an oscar nomination?????

also, my mom just used the word "ridiculate" (she meant to say "ridicule").

1/23, no. 69 3/4

links.
five: when i try to drive fast
six: when i try to go
seven: when i try to be cool
eight: when i try to be cooler
nine: when i try to study
ten: when i actually study
eleven: when i try to feel 
twelve: when i feel whiney 

this playlist looks better in times new roman (one of the few times helvetica isn't preferred)

1/23, no. 69 1/2

third: good riddance, courier new.

fourth: somewhere between me registering for classes in early november and me feebly writing a blog post about five minutes ago, i think i forgot to mention the part when i got major major clinical depression and my weight fluctuated like a seesaw and i went on a mini hunger strike for four days and i resorted back to my old old old ways of self-inflicted cuts and bruises and i tried to kill myself three times and then my doctor and my parents thought i should "spend some time at home" which essentially means i'm a college dropout (here here, kanye!) but also means i get to drive wherever the fuck i want and i don't have to see everyone i hated in high school because they're elsewhere, or i get away from them. sorry, don't mean to be obnoxiously angsty again; happy monday all!

1/23, no. 69

first: a toast to the number of today's post. shoutout to any and all individuals still amused by the timeless "sounds like my first time" (aka "that's what she said") jokes. this one's for you, michael scott!


second: after 192 pages of pure angst in the form of sketches and doodles, 19 verses on death, 11 odes to prozac, and one too many plays of emily haines's 'doctor blind', it is gone. and i'm alright.


the facts were these: yesterday i drove to LA to pick up my friend krista (USC architecture student, lives in a cool apartment with two cool roommates, has the most eclectic/fly/attractive group of friends who do things like meet jamie foxx on party buses and regularly hit up LA's trendiest restaurants and bars). we drove around LA (specifically little tokyo) and ate at the pie hole (try the mac n cheese and mexican hot chocolate if you're in the area!), which has a great interior layout, some pretty nasty-tasting cucumber water, really cool vibes, and, as i've just pleasantly discovered for myself, a very clean, neat, and otherwise aesthetically pleasing web page. it's right across from the famous wurstküche (for any late-bloomer teenagers who still care for zooey deschanel, this area that i'm so pathetically trying to describe is around the block where the apartment exterior in 'new girl' is filmed).


we met up with krista's fellow architecture friend, arjun, who is apparently literally too cool for words as i was too intimidated by all the cool in the room to speak as we ate our pies.


and then we went to a sci arc (an architecture school) store open to the public to get the cool students their supplies for studio. and then we saw what might have been a filming of some sort, but looked more like a casual gang bang on the corner of the street.


spending time with krista makes me feel just a teensy bit more hip. but ignore the fact that i am certainly coming off here as a middle aged father of two teenage girls, and let me tell you something: i've been perusing through the city of angels on a weekly basis since i was born, and every time i drive around, there's almost always something new and fascinating i stumble upon (i could digress on how stumbleupon has lately been letting me down, but i will refrain). when i was kid the asian restaurants were all the rage, mainly because my parents had the steering wheel, the brains, the decisions; ergo, my discoveries, albeit awesome, were small (graffiti around lincoln heights, fights around skid row, people who made themselves look like art by walking around in all kinds of crazy patterns). (sidenote: apologies to any commaphobics out there, i can't believe i just slaughtered the use of commas in that last sentence). but now that i'm discovering more and more very cool and very real places (namely eateries), i get to feel like a kid again. and it's a pretty damn good feeling (not to be the laughing cow but right now would be a great time to play the namesake song by the violent femmes).


and that's the story of my unwavering ability to ramble about ramblings and annotate my own tortuous run-on sentences.

this is the only thing good in the world today

one: courier new, what are you doing on my blog?
two: it's snowing in tacoma and my parents have me trapped in this backwards, republican, unfriendly cesspool.
three: i made this blog to publish things that made me seem civil and relatively content with academics/friends/love, but i'm not a white girl so i'll resort to my old blog full of angst and grammatical fuck-ups.
four: trader joe's
five: with more free time than a fucking fetus, i'll spend all of the $60 left on my card at india cook house. samosas galore

so long, sane minds

ossa presserunt

the radio
left a volume of residue
for six years.

an adolescence of grief,
her existence is but a riddle.
the murder story of the
coming-of-age tale
no plans, no plans

now the clock is set
she has produced a most astute procedure
the inimical protocol established
a saturday, saturday.

cracks along the sidewalks of
her skeleton.
ossa presserunt
illa rumpit, illa rumpit -
there it is! An exit
run to the finish line
she will soon have seized the race.