99 problems

today was my third eight hour shift in a row, which was a little odd because we have about twenty employees at work (so our schedules tend to be scattered and short). but i'm not complaining. even though some things about my job are a little irritating (rude customers, parking half a mile uphill, rude customers, rude customers), there are always so many ways work upstages these minor bothers. today perfectly exemplified such ways:

• albert einstein's stark lookalike came into work, and i immediately lost my shit and ran to the back in an attempt to conceal my laughter
• over $50 in tips for a job from which i really shouldn't be receiving many tips at all. i know this one sounds so shallow, but you and i both know that money is vital
• moreover: the fact that apparently everyone in laguna beach decided to get tipsy tonight and subsequently go for gelato...thanks for tipping fives, tens, fifteens for a cup that costs $3.50, you guys!
• one happy couple came in with a cup of guinness and shared it with my and a coworker. yumma

by means of alternating my hours between work and laziness, i've mostly been avoiding a crucial decision regarding this fall. my options are almost all equal in terms of pros/cons, which doesn't help with decision-making. of course, i do realize that i'm so lucky and blessed to even have such options in the first place, but the very fact that there are multiple options renders me pretty anxious (knowing me, i'm going to make a decision, and then i'll try to make the most of it but the second something goes wrong i'm going to think what if i chose something else ahhh) it's so ridiculous and cliche and unnecessary! but i love people here, there, and there, i love programs here, there, and there, etc. 

so concludes my mini rant.

at the very least, i'm glad i've learned to write with (some sort of) focus again. (see, it's ironic and a little bit hilarious because that statement in and of itself was an utter non sequitur).

updates:

• i saw beach house perform live, and they were phenomenal 
• four great days in berkeley = four weeks of super-introverted recovery time spent in bed with netflix, tumblr, and various social networking sites. and tom hiddleston interviews
• breakfast at tiffany's ost on vinyl obtained, finally (thanks michelle!)
• sometime soon, but not until after i get my shit together, i want to organize a cheap little ebay store to sell many, many clothes/accessories of mine
• during a slow shift at work, i recently discovered that orange sorbet (the one that no one likes) + italian cream = orange 50/50. yumma

"Why are you sad?”
“Because you speak to me in words, and I look at you with feelings."

ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe

reality

ego tripping at the gates of hell

"I can’t explain what I mean. And even if I could, I’m not sure I’d feel like it."

 The Catcher in the Rye

i feel a static hollowness in my mind. it's either that or an inexplicable aversion towards arranging my thoughts into a comprehensible, organized language (which, by the way, i've lately found nearly impossible to do, so i end up forfeiting the attempt as a whole - it's parallel to prematurely giving up and not trying whatsoever upon sight of a stack of papers/books/work due tomorrow in class).

i've been filling this void with trivial things like cheap clothes from cheap places, poor-quality camera phone photos, pictures of instagram's past, and other excruciatingly random subjects - anything that i can write about that doesn't really involve thinking or, much less, my thoughts. thus began the era of poorly-written, poorly-formatted, and otherwise feebleminded blog posts.

i find myself dissatisfied with most aspects of my life, which i would be more concerned about if all my apprehension wasn't sucked in the domain of the immediate future (including, most predominantly, higher education).

     the things that used to comfort me
     don't comfort me
     not anymore


moments when words that emanate from regina spektor's lips are the only things in the world that make sense. how could it be.

sullen wake

last night i
dreamt of cigarettes
and the color black

summer vibes

currently playing: ten-twenty-ten, the generationals.
for the past couple of weeks, i've been nothing but busy. amid a packed work schedule (prom season = high school grads cover all the shifts!) and a couple finals, i ensured that in every free moment i'd see my favorite people.

day two of meandering about the ucla area led to a quiet discovery: westwood farmer's market!

a recently acquired favorite of thousand oaks: the natural cafe

whole wheat pita, warmed :) with hummus, carrots, and sprouts.

too good.

old town salad (the best salad i've ever eaten, camera phone quality does zero justice); feta, carrots, tomatoes, avocado, brown rice, field greens, and a lemon herb dressing. 

due to my lack of a conventional academic agenda (and, in part, because of my work schedule i suppose), i find it quite hard to believe that, for all intents and purposes, it is summertime. i've got a lot of planning to do this summer, which entails a lot of major decisions (what to do in the fall?!) that i'll have to make much too soon. regardless if i return to puget sound or not, i'm entirely glad that the fact that it's summer means that i can reunite with my old floormates and friends.

as of late

too many lovely people

the dubious connoisseur

being that it was a rather dim monday, work was a little slow.
..
...
..
...
..
so began my expedition into the domain of desserts!

mini waffle cone with lemon and strawberry sorbet

mango sorbet + panna cotta = mango lassi! naturally, i immediately disclosed my handiwork to my indian pals. 

during slow shifts, we make innumerable amounts of waffle cones that make all of peppertree lane smell deeelish!

flavor of the day: tiramisu! for fun, henry often makes and beautifies mini cones and gelato, which gives an extra 'oomf' to the entire showcase.

the good thing about working at a gelato shop: seemingly limitless free gelato.
the bad thing about working at a gelato shop: seemingly limitless free gelato.

non sequiturs:
my last days of classes are rapidly approaching. it's a pretty bittersweet feeling, but i'm excited for the summer! and the black keys & arctic monkeys and just the bay area in general this weekend!

eons far from the sun?

it's almost summer! not that the weather is any indication of that...today's a little gloomy out, but i'm absolutely fine with that since it's the most versatile of weathers (cardigan and shorts come together on days like this). plus, the mellow weather is perfect for hiking or jogging the beach trail!

anyway, today i moseyed down to the salvation army and was delighted to see this sign out front:

i have an extremely ominous-looking shadow 

 yayayay! then this happened:

wooden bowls, $1.49 each

straw bag, $3.95. usually i don't pay particular attention to brand names when it comes to thrifting, but this bag had a distinct "gap" label, so i know it'll last a while 

$1 for a shawl

the shawl also acts as a skirt! or the skirt acts as a shawl, whichever you please.

since i've been obsessing over "mad men" lately, i had to get this $6 dress. the neckline reminded me of sally draper, plus the dress is a very light taupe color (again, sorry for the photo quality) and it's clean, fresh, and light feel would be perfect for hot summer valley days when i have to go to the office in canoga park. 

this outfit kind of makes me feel like i'm four years old again, and i'm pretty sure i had an very similar if not almost exact outfit when i was that age, but regardless, i thought the light mint (PICTURE QUALITY WHY) green top ($1) and floral shorts ($4) were so perfect for the summertime!

so anyway, i purchased some more additions to my quickly growing summer closet, which includes some of these: 

excuse my half-closed eyes...let's focus on the hat i got recently from forever 21 instead! i didn't get it today, i actually bought it online a while ago, but while i'm posting these summery clothes i thought i might as well show it off

a closer look at the hat. i love the polka dots!

$15 dress + $3 belt from h&m. again, not from today (actually from my most recent LA weekend) but it fits the theme

so there it is! clothes clothes clothes. it's a bit of a bummer that i have a uniform for my main job at GP, where i spend most of my time these days, but i guess that makes all the other occasions seem that much more special. speaking of work, i've got the closing shift tonight and i anticipate a lot of down time (what with this gloomy weather) to make pretty-looking edible things.

currently playing: i wanna go by summer heart.

hope y'all beat dem monday blues!

saison du printemps

it's sunday night.
i'm feeling restless.
what i would really love more than anything right now is a mac n cheese + mex hot choc pie from the pie hole...but i'll opt for some other small delights (both edible and not) that exhibit the aura of spring.

for eats:

carrots and edamame! 

 for fun:

my aggregate supply of nail polishes

i bought these on sale for $3 each at little tokyo's american apparel...i was instantly besotted with the salmon pink and the darker magenta! both are perfect for spring/summer; the salmon would be beautiful against a light outfit or beach day wear, and the magenta would look awesome with some night-out apparel for the evenings. 

the day i received my first paycheck from gelato paradiso (GP) coincided with my weekend in LA. krista and i went to the americana and downtown/little tokyo...which resulted in one magnificent example of cross-cancellation. throughout my capitalistic escapades, my thought process was pretty flawed (constant justifications including "it could be more expensive" and "$15 for an new arrival h&m dress is so cheap!"), and naturally, the receipts added up.

time to start saving, ashley...to buy BETTER things! like a rebel (to replace my stolen canon) or to, i don't know, pay for fall 2012 tuition?

i need to reorganize my priorities.

also, i apologize for the shoddy photo quality; i'm using my phone until i upgrade my poorly-functioning camera.

JUST KIDDING!

despite my preference for wordpress's sleeker, cleaner, and ultimately more aesthetically pleasing interface, i've resorted to old-fashioned (did i speak too soon?) google blogger...it's a little more convenient (just since i'm so accustomed to it) and far more simplistic. i might update the wordpress account every so often if i'm feeling a lil high 'n mighty, but until such delusions of sophistication devour me whole, i'll be sticking to good ol' blogspot.

pictures of late and subsequent commentary:

usc beaux arts ball with krista and her roommates (i am utterly infatuated with these ladies)

running around studios in the archie dept.

the theme for beaux arts this year was mondrian, so sick ass decorations were clearly in order

waffle bowl success: various sorbets, berries, and chocolate drizzle, concocted by the magnificent henry.

fucking delicious brioche french toast made for a fantastic post-beaux arts sunday morning brunch

my line of work

updates:

• i got a second job! it's pretty fun...the shop is nestled in a cute little brick alley. being that it's located in laguna beach, we get a pretty wide variety of customers (tourists, with whom i LOVE striking up conversation, soccer moms and all of their 485 children, elderly women who maintain that the shop "smells like woodstock"). essentially, i get paid to scoop gelato, make pretty lil desserts when i'm bored, and/or babysit a gelato shop (during slow shifts). 
• bullet points, i've discovered, are both adorable and nifty, and for that reason (evident in the wordpress site) i'll be utilizing them regularly.
• re-discovering the joys of LA, time and time again

happy sunday! xoxo

no. 93

http://ossamea.wordpress.com/
http://ossamea.wordpress.com/
http://ossamea.wordpress.com/
http://ossamea.wordpress.com/
http://ossamea.wordpress.com/
http://ossamea.tumblr.com/
http://ossamea.tumblr.com/
http://ossamea.tumblr.com/

no. 92

i'm usually not a fat sucker for words on love, as they tend to be all too similar/cliched/obnoxious/hollow/empty/fucked up/obnoxious/obnoxious, but i found this one to be quite universal, for lack of a better description. sometimes i worry about losing touch with friends and sometimes i have little pouts of stress induced by fear of breaking away from something i love (whether it be english, the entertainment industry, etc.). leave it to steinbeck for some alleviation!
(shout out to my buddy patrick @ thepatformist for posting it)

"Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away." isn't that just nice? read the whole letter, written to his son, here.

284. pretending
285. beach house, and lots of it
286. blogging in study areas
287. banana chips and overly sweetened tea for dinner (fuck yeah health?)
288. parking far away, giving ample time and room for a leisurely stroll
289. listening to the beatles in the morning (since i was little, i convinced myself that, in order to have a really exceptional day, you must start the day by listening to the fab four)
290. dreaming of frozen yogurt

no. 91

it's a strange paradigm.

no. 90

i got a clockwork orange for $2 and i lost my water bottle (again) but replaced it (again). i stalked too many people and experienced beautiful things, so many beautiful things. is that not the best sensation? to be overwhelmed by beauty?

hm. i had a very collegiate st. pat's day - from an irish car bomb, to making yummy drinks for people i don't know, to imbibing in whatever the fuck is visible. i also gave a toast to many things (happiness, washington, mt. rainier, and, apparently at one point, eyes). and love was eminent and free and vast and wide. i like that.

270. drinking water "as if it's going out of style"
271. running (but i'm also very fond of walking)
272. good times. i love good times. fuck yeah for good times. fuck yeah for saying "fuck yeah" way too many times. cheers to our youth
273. the feeling of paying for my own tuition (granted it's for a junior college.. but being able to put my skinny little paycheck to something productive makes me smile a little)
274. i am thankful for my clinical depression. it is familiar, it is real, it is comforting.
275. while on the subject, i love my psychiatrist's voice. i also appreciate his diction (for example: "are you at liberty to speak?" holy fuck nothing can make me feel more human)
276. jenga blocks
277. tofu-edamame nuggets
278. garlic. putting garlic on everything.
279. the renowned nbc show 'community'
280. fucking deja vu. that shit cray
281. the stream of consciousness that i've manifested by drawing/writing/scribbling/sketching into my racially diverse group of notebooks
282. gop jokes
283. lots of macarons

no. 89

off
the
deep
end


so i miss the classroom and books and scribbling all over the pages and writing only in ink and never using white out and things. i miss creating a bloody massacre of graffiti by thoroughly fucking up the appearance of my peers' essays and papers with a red pen. i miss my calc class that quickly converted into a very verbal, very vehement angry mob (with metaphorical pitchforks and the works) upon hearing the faux pas "irregardless" come out of amanda gibson's mouth. i also miss dorm life. but mostly, i just miss the learning in a classroom.

working hasn't been time consuming enough and minimum wage can't satiate all my superficial desires, so i'm rereading books i haven't read since sophomore year of high school (namely, lolita and the picture of dorian gray). i'll start reading more short stories this week (gilman, faulkner) cause they're free :D

ummmm.. this was a nice weekend and right now it's balls hot (why) and thoughts of food in the pantry are keeping me sane.

261. greek yogurt + dried fruit
262. peeling the skin off my lips is a disgusting habit. yum
263. de profundis
264. chai anything chai
265. pesto anything pesto
266. my bed holy cannoli what would i do without my bed
267. pretty bookends
268. pretty soap dishes
269. lavender, mint, etc.

no. 88

the illusion of being a part of something is nice, but coming home to no school, no club, no group, no network is a little disenchanting. thankfully it makes me so grateful for there mere existence of a nearby junior college to attend soon enough. so i can't wait for my classes to begin. i can't wait to learn formally in a classroom again. i can't wait for books and for the post-studying feeling of wholeness. i am thoroughly excited and quite ready.

241. empty shampoo/conditioner/body wash/etc bottles in the shower that provide an excuse to try a different things
242. life when i'm not being angsty
243. sangak
244. and hummus. lots and lots of hummus
245. also pita
246. and naan
247. all sorts of carbohydrates!
248. looking at things
249. globes
250. bookends
251. vladimir nabokov
252. scarves
253. the weather. there is always something to be said about the weather
254. walking around and hiking. walking around in the morning in a city when there aren't many people out
255. bagels + coffee
256. big ideas
257. drugstores and markets
258. talking about washington with people from washington
259. when everything suddenly feels weird momentarily
260. good voices and good words

no. 87

jabba the hutt's first day of work

say hello to the new entry-level technical writer at cimplebox, inc. cool

225. costa mesa, ca (one of the better spots in orange county)
226. endorphins
227. sore muscles
228. shoes (for a while i was really close-minded towards shoes and i would only be satisfied with 2-4 staple shoes.. this new mindset (open to jeffrey campbell, free people, and other boutiques that will assault your wallet) is unhealthy. lucky for my bank account i haven't acted on any impulses so far, but online window shopping might get the best of me)
229. james vincent mcmorrow (in case all the bon iver you know is overplayed/old)
230. tissues
231. being lost in reverie
232. aspirations
233. the existence of beautiful things
234. being psycho, bipolar, among similarly grand things
235. warm flannel
236. mappin shit out
237. being around college campuses (ever since i was creepin in the motherfuckin womb, it's always been comforting)
238. nice people
239. wearing a blazer on my first day of work even though i work at home today
240. organic shit

no. 86

RUDE AWAKENING
bleh.


216. the showtime series 'weeds'
217. "i wish i could throw off the thoughts which poison my happiness, but i kind of pleasure in indulging them." for eighteen years and eighteen years too many. i love you chopin, but doing > thinking (although this blog contradicts that i guess)
218. 2009 gray volkswagen rabbit
219. garlic
220. and basically any spice/seasoning
221. and cheese
222. and the smell of onions cooking
223. calvin and hobbes (since '93 bitches!)
224. shel silverstein

no. 85

establishing the parameters that define creativity as "making something out of nothing," (distinguished/esteemed) vegetarian chefs must be among the more inventive and innovative group, since meats are excluded from the kitchen. i'm not saying i'm some gourmet cook (nothing could be further from the truth), but cooking food the vegetarian way can be really experimental, fun, and even a bit unconventional (more so than tossing leftover meat in the microwave at least).

side note: never put fries and a blueberry muffin in the same box, unless you want to eat blueberry-flavored french fries the next day.

208. much to my dismay, we had finished all the hummus and thus there was a little hole in the heart of the refrigerator. then this happened: mayonnaise + sriracha = spicy mayo. awesome
209. falafel + latke + spicy mayo + lettuce + carrots + onions + peppers
210. a glass of cold water (so nice after drinking gallons of water via my camelbak for so long)
211. being awoken by the sun and lazying about in bed snuggled up in pink sheets and momentarily feeling like kirsten dunst in marie antoinette 
212. the practicality of twitter in los angeles, ca
213. the comforting small stack of books next to my bed (the awakening, lullaby, dawn, de profundis, and a monet collection). and then turning around to see the massive orgasm of hundreds of other books
214. looking at baby pictures. i was jabba the hutt
215. the number 5 is so cheesy

no. 84

the facts were these: usc is still awesome/dirty/hilarious, and i'm still a baby. when i was in bacaro, it suddenly dawned on me (around one in the am) that it was thursday night, and i realized, "oh my god there are so many students here and it's a school night and everyone is drunk..what?!" and similar thoughts. so there we go.

on a better note, i imbibed considerably and didn't get a hangover. fuck yeah.

192. feeling like a potentially badass driver after watching the fast & the furious, and setting out to live up to that standard.. in a prius. so i feel badass for going 82 on the freeway. fuckers
193. getting fancy with grilled cheese! (gouda, brie, etc. and guacamole, tapatio, sriracha, etc.)
194. circadian rhythms that make you think "the hell?"
195. bbc radio one edits
196. doritos
197. boston, massachusetts (spring break??!?!?? grad school?!!?)
198. looking for a second job (fuck yeah)
199. little boots
200. the good feeling that surfaces when you hit a large even number
201. volkswagen (fuck yeah die glaserne manufaktur)
202. mocha cheesecake (yes, it is as good as it sounds)
203. baking (i'm getting back into it!)
204. 4 8 15 16 23 42
205. gotye is the new adele
206. pronouncing gotye's name
207. dessert

no. 83

i was in lake forest to get my nails done at a cheap asian salon where i felt painfully awkward the entire time, and since i was in the area i went to get indian food at spice india (i've only been once before with my friend during senior year). i was the only one in the small restaurant besides one little indian man (who was both the chef and waiter) and a very, very indian woman sitting in the corner staring at me the entire time i was there. the food was fucking delicious and although i briefly regretted eating indian food before going to berkeley, i know i'll be craving it again early next week (if not tomorrow or this weekend). i also got free dessert (rice pudding) (they didn't offer this last time), and when i got home i was delighted to see that the guy had thrown in an entire extra order of garlic naan in the box when he was packaging my leftovers to-go. awesome.

181. is the course number of the second to worst class last semester (math 181 aka calc 1.5)
182. napping so i don't fall asleep while driving
183. static on the radio (within reason)
184. traffic (it's a new take on sort-of people-watching to me)
185. peripherals (so i could sort-of also stare back as the indian woman stared at me)
186. thursdays
187. plans! ideas! san francisco! ideas! ideas! plans! ideas!
188. my insanely modestly-dressed mother who will make my little brother carry a couch downstairs "just to see how it will look"
189. mutter paneer with creamy (as opposed to watery) sauce + garlic naan (hit da spot)
190. the idea of vegetarianism. hell yeah
191. not feeling obliged to talk

no. 82

i never realized how black my hair is until today. today's breakfast of champions? mini tacos from trader joe's and genmaicha. currently experimenting with lipstick (mhm) and listening to this song, which is a pretty accurate representation of puget sound life (besides the tacos - i'd have quinoa with apricot instead). i miss vegan food from the sub (dining hall). but trader joe's is much better.

tonight i'm going to usc (frequenting the dirtiest place in california is enjoyable) for this. 


the weather is warm today and the weeks feel long. life is too long to not sing gotye in an obnoxiously high-pitched voice i guess.

163. i think i got a job here (but i'm not sure.. apparently employers' responses are as cryptic as signals/conversations with crushes)
164. there has been a jar of betty crocker's whipped butter cream frosting sitting on my desk since december. it is full of possibilities
165. my hair is getting so long it's so weird. i can't wait to chop that shit off #fuckyeah
166. talking about sex
167. german writing utensils (stabilo, faber-castell)
168. pooping/defecating/excreting feces/having bowel movements/relieving oneself (thank god for it seriously.. that shit is cathartic as fuck)
169. the tsunami aftermath of books, papers, photos, and envelopes on my floor
170. partha dasgupta's economics: a very short introduction. the cover looks more like an architecture book
171. food network's chopped and the fact that it keeps me scrunched up on the couch biting my nails and getting nervous for the contestants (as does antm, as does project runway, etc.. at least it's not a crazy japanese game show)
172. japanese food (on that note)
173. chinese food
174. korean food
175. persian food
176. american food (burger + fries + coke ooommmmmggggggggg)
177. italian food
178. vegan/vegetarian food
179. all kinds of food (pretty much) (omg guyz look h0w diverse n cultural i am lol)
180. tea and coffee

no. 81

with no cash and currently no tangible credit/debit card on me, i give myself two options:
     1) drive around orange county looking for trails to hike/run (after sending in more apps/etc.)
     2) scrounge around the pockets of pants in the laundry room for some change to get junk food

i'm trying to find things to do (classes/clubs/JOBS!!!) before march rolls around (once mid-march hits, it's going to be busy as fuck)

132. this. how beautiful it is
133. trying to make sense out of certain android apps
134. jeopardy (dominating at the novels category last night was particularly enjoyable)
135. wheel of fortune (also vanna white's yarn collection)
136. thai food (the last meal of my last relationship but i forgot about that when i last ate thai)
137. milk and honey (along with turbinado sugar, avocado, olive oil, salts, drops of vanilla, etc..)
138. viktor benes pastries
139. homemade nutella
140. random thought: the idea of nutella pizza (think max brenner)
141. pizza in general (margherita, white, pesto, etc.. or any pizza with a shit ton of cheeses, garlic, pesto, maybe some aioli, olive oil, basil, artichoke..balls!!!!)
142. the fact that balls could be mistaken as an ingredient in my dream pizza. nope
143. hating on lana del ray when in reality she's alright 
144. the way bolded exclamation marks look in georgia
145. indian food (though i have made a pact with myself that i will not have any until i go to berkeley)
146. flying lotus
147. telling myself that i'm going to get in shape, and then subsequently binging on a super size bag of doritos
148. water + lemon
149. the existence of washington state. how i wish southern california's great outdoors were nearly as great as that of the olympics/the rainforest
150. does anyone wanna be cute and tandem bike across the country with me? nah let's be real, just check this out.
151. ahem.. i think i've written no. 145 several times throughout the course of these lists/gifts. to indian food! and my face when i see/smell/eat indian food
152. billy preston. you are my man
153. being so awkward that i've virtually become immune to awkward situations (not really.. but that's how i picture it)
154. the emotionless stanford student on jeopardy last night (and the william & mary student who initially dominated) (but not the asian chick from north texas who basically admitted that she stalks alex trebek)
155. bass, and lots of it
156. old scrapbooks my mom made throughout the 90s
157. genmaicha
158. the notion of possibly having two jobs on top of classes (thankfully i'm only taking three)
159. not giving a fuck about probably graduating after everyone else.. and then realizing i might not even have to not give a fuck in the first place! can i get a fuck yeah?
160. i still get calendar/email/phone notifications on a daily basis to remind me to go to classes (religion, english, politics, digital humanities - at UPS) since i programmed them in all my gadgets back in november. i thought they'd make me sad, and sometimes they make me think "i could be learning english from a badass indian chick!" and "i could be discussing kandinsky with my peers!" but i rarely ever really dwell on it. i'll get rid of the notifications soon
161. whenever it looks cold outside, i still think it's going to be freezing as all fuck (as in 30 degrees F). so imagine my surprise (at an almost day-to-day basis lately) when i step outside and it's way warmer than expected! (side note: i've been well-accustomed to california weather ever since december now, but i think the cold in tacoma "traumatized" me in that respect.. bear with me here; i realize this makes little to no sense)
162. rambling. clearly i do it well. fin

no. 80

today i saw my shrink, bought a taco with the last $1.07 i had, snarfed that shit good, made mixtapes all day, applied for two more jobs, drank my weight in water, and left my room a mess. and now something in the kitchen sounds delicious. and my mom bought an avocado for me today.

123. THIS =)
124. midnight in paris ost
125. eating arizona tea and doritos for breakfast for the sake of good health (evidently on my way to modeldom)
126. being super american and applying for jobs at virtually every shop in the mall
127. yellow lights (they make me smile)
128. good style
129. remembering things that you haven't thought of in months
130. laughing hysterically/genuinely at something that once stressed you out
131. eating and yelping; discovering five-star reviews of cool places on yelp

no. 79

i'm a big bundle of appetite and laziness called unemployment. my progress thus far: i've applied to starbucks, frapys (a froyo shop in mission viejo), nordstrom (for the fuck of it), and a tech company called cimplebox.

107. foodgawker, epicurious, punchfork
108. chapstick-hoarding
109. my slightly fucked up (in the most beautiful way) calendar notebook (aka 'notes from a ucla chemistry lecture'
110. naps
111. lemon bars
112. faturdays
113. the still portrait of a mad orgasm between sheets/blankets/pillows that is my bed
114. braids
115. spices
116. free samples
117. rollercoasters
118. being ridiculously happy while eating indian food, and getting progressively crankier/sleepier afterwards
119. espresso con panna (eat it up)
120. playlists
121. dropboxing everything, and getting everything from dropbox
122. nigel thornberry videos

no. 78

100. cooking (smoked gouda + avocado + french baguette (it was hot out of the oven when i picked it up this morning!) + chicken marinated in garlic/black pepper/salt/sesame seeds/a bit of olive oil.
101. the clock ticking rapidly when food network's on
102. hating on technology, being fascinated by technology, etc.
103. all the jeeps and trucks parked on my street right now (superbowl sunday, about which i know nothing)
104. applying for jobs, writing cheesy cover letters that remind me of my work in high school
105. salk institute
106. doing

no. 77

back from a restful/enlightening/weird/bro-tastic/architecture-infested thirsty thursday/friday at usc. i'm really sleepy, but i was having separation anxiety from blogging so i had to throw in a post before i hit the sack and sleep for the next five years or so.

krista's friends are crazy. they're not only academically gifted; they know all the places to go/eat in dtla, they're culinarily brilliant, they're hilarious, they've got great taste in art/music, they don't metaphorically masturbate for hours on end over the sight of a nice car, they're the chillest, and they're just really fun to be around. and they join me in making satire of the typical usc student (rich, white, good-looking, never fails to post statuses/pictures of their particular sorority/frat/club/football game/matt barkley sighting/etc.) which is always fun.

82. lofts
83. feeling gross after a night of imbibing, and realizing that that gross feeling makes you feel like such a teenager (here's to our youth)
84. usc's greek row. i parked my car in front of fiji, and every single frat house front lawn was filled with frat guys playing beer pong.. at two in the afternoon. hilarious
85. usc's greek row (sorority aspect).. think of the typical, cliched sorority girl.. now think of an entire street filled with that. people are the best
86. french fries and dipping sauces (curry ketchup, pesto mayo, etc.) from wurstkuche. also wurstkuche's atmosphere in general
87. the bittersweet feeling of coming back home (i might get bored in the near future when i see the 'san clemente' sign on the freeway, but for now it's a signal of winding down, resting soon)
88. when i parallel park well (even if i kick someone out of the car to guide me)
89. food
90. brie cheese, toasted on a french baguette
91. french macarons
92. watching tv on the laptop while lazying about in bed
93. hilarity
94. traffic. now, before you call me insane, just bear with me here: yes, it took me an hour to pass through irvine on thursday evening and it took me a total of two hours to get to LA, but it was kind of endearing to see everyone together, doing their own thing. everyone remembered to turn their headlights on, people would weave around, people let others pass in front, one person cut me off and it made me giggle, some people in odysseys had movies playing in the back seat (open season sucks), etc. plus when you get traffic around LA on the freeway, chances are you're going to have a pretty nice view of the los angeles skyline/skyscrapers, and it reminds you how beautiful things are when it seems like it sucks. just look around, i guess. i don't know
95. drunk people who won't shutup. drunk people who will respectfully rant about a beautiful girl they admire from afar (even if it's a "gorgeous gorgeous gorge beautiful brunette first year pi phi" said wistfully in a native chicago accent)
96. creeping hard
97. white
98. food network and hating on ina garden yet admiring her soothing voice
99. being cheesy and stopping at number 99 so that tomorrow will start with 100

no. 76

i don't mind this seemingly everlasting cat hype. this cat is awesome

tonight i am going to hang out with elizabeth (and krista and krista's cool usc crew with whom i'm unhealthily infatuated) before she goes back to mit on sunday. i've been to usc more than i've been to saddleback this year, so far. it's a dirty, blonde, affluent, sketchy, magical place.

60. surprising people for the better
61. cat pictures.. but really, i'm much more of a 'dog person'
62. cold pizza (62.5: cold pizza with ranch)
63. re-heating frozen pizza in the conventional oven (so it's super crispy/toasty)
64. applying to jobs online (three cheers for the interwebz!!)
65. talking about facebook going public/facebook's IPO/etc. as if i know a damn thing about it
66. cracking my back as much as i can (my roommate used to crack it for me all the time *misses rachel*)
67. spas (can you feel me transforming into a blonde, big-boobs and orange-skin orange county chick slowly but surely?)
68. my new therapist (who isn't as awkwardly silent as my last)
69. the number 69, even if it's odd
70. 'even if it's odd' is my new favorite phrase
71. the odd cleavage that saddleback faculty gave the online advisor cartoon lady
72. enriched flour, sugar, vegetable shortening, cocoa, caramel color, and less than 2% of high fructose corn syrup, salt, baking soda, soy lecithin, natural and artificial flavor, peppermint oil.. aka the shit in thin mints
73. being friends with my friends
74. th!r$ty thur$d@y (i say that as a joke.. but i am going to usc tonight so who knows)
75. the idea of hookah, though i've never smoked it
76. that one friend who will let his car stop in the middle of the freeway on-ramp in order to obtain specifically 76 gasoline
77. "open racism"
78. THIS =)
79. sending parcels to lovers in washington
81. acai bowls

no. 75 1/2

that is a happy little black girl illustrating girl scouts' diversity. and those are my eyes creepily peering into your soul

turns out i have way more to be thankful for today.

53. i'm extremely introverted, so it's no surprise that i would go to great lengths to avoid human contact. exhibit a: so as not to awkwardly pretend i'm good with kids, i googled methods of obtaining girl scout cookies (i hate to be a part of the obnoxious hype...but thin mints and samoas are too good) online. and i found an order form and everything! but my friend told me that he had tried online ordering last year, but to no avail. damn girl scouts. much to my good fortune my mom picked up a box of thin mints on her way home (the girl scouts of this suburban wasteland were staking out right in front of our community's gates)
54. i had pizza for dinner. and i haven't had pizza in forever. today was really unhealthy foodwise, but i guess admitting unhealthiness is a step in the direction of better health? probably just another pseudo rationalization of mine. who cares, the pizza was delicious
55. going to usc again this week #thirdtimesthecharm
56. further utilizing social networking sites (tumblr/twitter/yelp/pinterest)
57. learning my lesson the easy way, aka not getting a ticket for forgetting to buy a parking pass/permit
58. things are getting so crazy in here
59. wondering how i'll feel about listening to 'party rock anthem' in 2025, assuming that i'll still be alive then

no. 75

her morning elegance, oren lavie.

in sophomore year i was straight obsessed with oren lavie and this music video. it's still my all-time favorite mv because it's clean (the white sheets, the light wooden floor), creative, and it just makes me smile in a slow and creepy way. 

today i went on a run/walk sort of thing with india (whenever one of us needed to bitch we'd walk, so we're basically a couple of hybrid cars) in the trails of suburbia, i swam (it's official. 10am-11am is absolutely empty, thank you breadmakin' dads, busy soccer moms, and children in schools! also thank you nannies and toddlers who opt for the playground instead of the pool during this window), and i picked up jeremy from school which was the most hilarious and ridiculous part of the day. the insane conglomerate of parents picking up underclassmen and juniors/seniors trying to leave the lot is the rough equivalent of really twisted/failed/unconventional sex positions (let's try moving this way oh wait that'll make me run into you hm let's try positioning our wheels that way oh that's going to mean our cars will collide, etc). i guess that's what happens when you put a ton of orange county people too close together. 

42. the prius's shift knob, which reminds me of something maybe just a tad too inappropriate for blogger
43. mrs. dalloway
44. community, donald glover/childish gambino
45. staple apparel (denim, crisp white tees, brown shoes, etc.)
46. REI garage sales (i don't know if they even do those in orange county, but i'm still grateful for them!)
47. jeremy gave me a copy of the high school newspaper's most recent issue. naturally, i went straight to the entertainment section (after silently giving the new title font some harsh judgment and criticism) to see how it was doing. i'm proud to say that i left my section in good hands (aka a redhead junior named melissa). i was also happy to see that the unprecedented "upcoming shows/films/albums" columns i had started last year was still running in the section (i realize that this isn't a huge deal; columns are just a solid way to fill up space. sometimes i was too lazy to watch a shitty show and write about it, and thus the upcoming arts columns were born). nevertheless i was glad to see that i started something, no matter how insignificant.
48. brc burrito from el pollo loco. speaking of, i think that el pollo loco is the first place in san clemente where i cried in public (august 2011 booyah)
49. $20 running shoes from marshalls (marshall's?)
50. job hunting, especially when current employers are fun/easy to talk to
51. even numbers (~:~*iRoNy*~:~)
52. cal. berkeley here i come!!!

no. 74

after having realized the redundancy in typing out the date in post titles (just a little late on the bandwagon here), post names will henceforth (thanks mayur) be shorter/conciser/better-looking.

i went to saddleback to get shit done and i had some nice conversations with a few people. as i was waiting for matriculation with a couple other students - including a grandfather who bore an uncanny resemblance to chevy chase (who gave me extreme hope in making the hit nbc show community my reality), a fresh high school grad who announced her year and a half of sobriety, and a student deciding between fullerton and saddleback - victoria, the hs grad, broke the silence with a friendly "hi!" to everyone (this is what was going through my mind: oh my LORD thank you so much for saying something thank you so much for possessing the affable extroverted personality that i will never have the balls to bear) and the four of us talked about why we were here (this is beginning to sound like an episode of misfits damn i am making it sound way cooler than it actually was), chevy chase's doppleganger told us about his job as a superintendent for road workers (for those with community service or for those looking for an alternative to prison), we all discussed that people aren't bad, we just do bad things sometimes, etc. so that was nice.

32. i woke up strongly believing that i would get in a car accident today, but i didn't so i'm thankful for that
33. today i went to saddleback to take placement tests, and i got placed for all the classes i want so huzzah
34. saddleback. i am thankful for community college (betcha never heard that one before. this gratefulness may deteriorate within the coming months though, beware). i am thankful to be a part of something for the first time since 2011, although community college may not emanate a huge "community" feel. i am thankful for school. as much as i'm going to miss my UPS friends/campus/dorm life, saddleback has some really eclectic and cool people, as i've discovered today. but i suppose that's true for every virtually every place
35. the fact that my mom just now came running into my room saying "DID YOU KNOW?" (this is the way she starts every big announcement - "ashley! did you know?" "know what?" "did you know that elizabeth is staying till february?!" or "did you know!?" "know what?" "did you know that there's a blue streak on the prius?") she continued, "did you know that gmail is google mail??" "yes...everyone knows" "really? so i'm nobody? but wow..did you know that? wow..g-mail..g-mail.." i then stepped into my bathroom to take a piss, and she stayed right outside my bathroom door verbally illustrating all her awe; "i can't believe it.. gmail is google mail..wow i can't believe it!" i love that my mother turns into a little kid when she discovers random information that is utterly insignificant to the layman.
36. pigs, teacup pigs, trotsky/snowball
37. i got my eyebrows waxed today so my brows have finally matured out of a long and arduous awkward pubescent middle school stage.. a toast to physical maturity
38. i am so grateful for helvetica. things look better, especially like this: 
THIS LOOKS COOL BECAUSE IT'S WRITTEN IN HELVETICA.
39. facebook 'pokes'.. i stil don't fully understand the purpose/hype but might as well throw it on the list cause it maintains some sort of communication with friends, right?
40. we all have problems. it's nice that we're so blessed with the ability to understand (or try to) people. and give each other food/music suggestions/etc
41. sunflower seeds

1/30, no. 73

little is sweeter than going for a mid-morning run and subsequently jumping into a (thankfully completely vacant community) pool for a swim. and then eating a samosa afterwards.

25. economics (i'm learning to love it)
26. the cupcake part of the cupcake (unless the frosting is part of the definition of a 'cupcake'.. in which case no. 26 is rendered 'the less-sweet part of the cupcake')
27. the fact that there is a table of usc/ucla water bottles on sale for $0.39 each at ralph's
28. betty smith, who is basically the first literary blogger
29. seasons, but i can appreciate the freedom under the hot sun
30. dustin o'halloran
31. free lectures from mcgill/cal, mit opencourseware, etc.

1/29, no. 72

today elizabeth and i braved the streets of chinatown and drove around looking for a cheap foot massage place. we scored and found one with a huge sign outside that read "$20 FOR 1 HOUR" and we were sold. so for about an hour and a half (these chinese places will let you stay basically as long as you want if you fall asleep during the massage) we snoozed in a very dark and somewhat sketchy communal massage area (not as gross as it sounds, i assure you). the room was really dark, but the constant visibility of human movement in so dark a place was eerily reminiscent of the film taken (i'd do anything to namedrop anything related to the incredible liam neeson). then we indulged in gluttony as we inhaled our favorite mexican food from carnitas.

10. eating indian food until i feel like the first victim from se7en
11. while we're on the subject - samosas, mint and mango chutney, tikka masala, paneer
12. sunflower seeds
13. walking
14. the smell of a book's internal organs
15. using chopsticks instead of hair ties.. even if they end up falling out after a few minutes
16. 89.3, kpcc, npr
17. andrew bird, chuck palahniuk, trying to eat healthy (failure in doing so is written all over this blog), architecture in helsinki, beirut (and other assorted things with which i obsessed in 7th/8th/9th grade. nostalgia's weird)
18. backpacking.. i haven't done it since august but i've been looking into it (although orange county boasts a severe lack of chilly weather and damp ground, two things that make backpacking/camping wonderful). there's something very wonderful about walking around, seeing beauty, and just living for a few days knowing that you are carrying everything you need on your back
19. things that remind me of other things: i found my senior prom date's boutonniere in my room (what the hell was it doing here?) and it reminded me of that week. i really wanted to be cute/clever and make our floral arrangements out of colored tissue paper/fabrics/twine (i promise i'm not in kindergarten and i promise my date wasn't a pedophile), but my creativity and execution ultimately failed and i resorted to buying a corsage and boutonniere from albertson's grocery on the day of prom
20. reminiscing about how i used to take everything so seriously
21. not taking things so seriously anymore
22. how i met your mother
23. when reality exceeds expectations (i also promise i'm not a pseudo-intellectual 7th grader infatuated with "life lessons" from 500 days of summer)
24. winter

1/28, no. 71

ONE THOUSAND GIFTS.
the author of a blog i came across describes a book that challenges readers "to develop eucharisteo (thanks-giving) by naming blessings in a list of one thousand gifts."
numbers are what have hitherto indicated that i don't know how to use words correctly in my blog posts, but from now on they'll list things for which i am happy/thankful/giddy/blessed/etc. and since 1000 is a big number, this means many future obnoxiously optimistic blog posts, and i hope that this minor commitment will force me to maintain a brighter outlook.

1. having a dream about this song last night. i don't think i've ever had a dream about a song, so this was pretty damn pleasant. i don't have any current personal affiliation with the lyrics or anything, i just remember walking on a seemingly endless street listening to and thinking about the words and the instrumentals and seeing a potentially biblical reference to 'crown of love' (i'm about 100% sure that i pulled it out of my ass in my dream, but there's something there; crowns can be piercing). i haven't listened to much arcade fire in a while, so imagine my excitement upon waking up remembering all the great thoughts and sounds i had! course i immediately opened up itunes and let the song play so i could hear it audibly. this was a nice start. thanks, arcade fire.
2. the ability to create food. the ability to eat food. the ability to microwave delicious frozen foods from trader joe's and inhale that stuff. mmm.
3. water, and my means of drinking it (thank you camelbak).
4. soft lips
5. pinterest and pinteresting. yelp and yelping.
6. falling asleep while talking to friends (apologies for sounding like a cliche 7th grader). it's comforting.
7. seeing my former classmates play in the snow (over a foot of snow!) and create a campus full of quinzhees, igloos, snowmen, snowlion, and other assorted snow things. snow looks so beautiful on the UPS campus. although i'm not there, it makes me really happy to see the little kid in everyone brighten up.
8. scraping off the massive bundles of lint on the lint screen after clothes are done drying.
9. falafels in the freezer, hummus in the fridge

1/24, no. 70

one of the benefits of living at home is that i'm basically a retired senior citizen.. or at least i spend my free time as they do: going to trader joe's during the early afternoon, swimming in the community pool when there are (thank god) no kids around, taking walks around the neighborhood (only i can't be cute and walk around with my partner with whom i've been goin' strong since '55). but let's reflect on one of these benefits: trader joe's. i'm much too un-orange county to go on long runs or yoga classes in the early morning in skimpy spandex, so instead, i often read books or blogs when i wake up. today i browsed through the pages of what's good at trader joe's, a fantastic idea in the form of, you guessed it, trader joe's product reviews, written by an apparently very hungry and very athletic couple. naturally, after reading a few posts, i set out on an incredible journey to san clemente's trader joe's and i majestically purchased falafels, edamame, and random indian foods. and i just ate everything and it is all delicious. evidently my life is ideal and exciting beyond imagination.

major side note: awards season is upon us, and the contenders for the granddaddy of all awards shows have been released (the oscar noms for best picture consist of hugo, midnight in paris, moneyball, the tree of life, war horse, the help, the artist, the descendants, and extremely loud & incredibly close). scores of journals and papers ran stories on the academy awards nominations, but my favorite article is, no surprise here, found on the carpetbagger blog, for anyone interested in some well-written sentiments regarding the oscars '12. digression: midnight in paris was entertaining, well-filmed, and very woody allen, but it was just...cute; why did it get an oscar nomination?????

also, my mom just used the word "ridiculate" (she meant to say "ridicule").

1/23, no. 69 3/4

links.
five: when i try to drive fast
six: when i try to go
seven: when i try to be cool
eight: when i try to be cooler
nine: when i try to study
ten: when i actually study
eleven: when i try to feel 
twelve: when i feel whiney 

this playlist looks better in times new roman (one of the few times helvetica isn't preferred)

1/23, no. 69 1/2

third: good riddance, courier new.

fourth: somewhere between me registering for classes in early november and me feebly writing a blog post about five minutes ago, i think i forgot to mention the part when i got major major clinical depression and my weight fluctuated like a seesaw and i went on a mini hunger strike for four days and i resorted back to my old old old ways of self-inflicted cuts and bruises and i tried to kill myself three times and then my doctor and my parents thought i should "spend some time at home" which essentially means i'm a college dropout (here here, kanye!) but also means i get to drive wherever the fuck i want and i don't have to see everyone i hated in high school because they're elsewhere, or i get away from them. sorry, don't mean to be obnoxiously angsty again; happy monday all!

1/23, no. 69

first: a toast to the number of today's post. shoutout to any and all individuals still amused by the timeless "sounds like my first time" (aka "that's what she said") jokes. this one's for you, michael scott!


second: after 192 pages of pure angst in the form of sketches and doodles, 19 verses on death, 11 odes to prozac, and one too many plays of emily haines's 'doctor blind', it is gone. and i'm alright.


the facts were these: yesterday i drove to LA to pick up my friend krista (USC architecture student, lives in a cool apartment with two cool roommates, has the most eclectic/fly/attractive group of friends who do things like meet jamie foxx on party buses and regularly hit up LA's trendiest restaurants and bars). we drove around LA (specifically little tokyo) and ate at the pie hole (try the mac n cheese and mexican hot chocolate if you're in the area!), which has a great interior layout, some pretty nasty-tasting cucumber water, really cool vibes, and, as i've just pleasantly discovered for myself, a very clean, neat, and otherwise aesthetically pleasing web page. it's right across from the famous wurstküche (for any late-bloomer teenagers who still care for zooey deschanel, this area that i'm so pathetically trying to describe is around the block where the apartment exterior in 'new girl' is filmed).


we met up with krista's fellow architecture friend, arjun, who is apparently literally too cool for words as i was too intimidated by all the cool in the room to speak as we ate our pies.


and then we went to a sci arc (an architecture school) store open to the public to get the cool students their supplies for studio. and then we saw what might have been a filming of some sort, but looked more like a casual gang bang on the corner of the street.


spending time with krista makes me feel just a teensy bit more hip. but ignore the fact that i am certainly coming off here as a middle aged father of two teenage girls, and let me tell you something: i've been perusing through the city of angels on a weekly basis since i was born, and every time i drive around, there's almost always something new and fascinating i stumble upon (i could digress on how stumbleupon has lately been letting me down, but i will refrain). when i was kid the asian restaurants were all the rage, mainly because my parents had the steering wheel, the brains, the decisions; ergo, my discoveries, albeit awesome, were small (graffiti around lincoln heights, fights around skid row, people who made themselves look like art by walking around in all kinds of crazy patterns). (sidenote: apologies to any commaphobics out there, i can't believe i just slaughtered the use of commas in that last sentence). but now that i'm discovering more and more very cool and very real places (namely eateries), i get to feel like a kid again. and it's a pretty damn good feeling (not to be the laughing cow but right now would be a great time to play the namesake song by the violent femmes).


and that's the story of my unwavering ability to ramble about ramblings and annotate my own tortuous run-on sentences.

this is the only thing good in the world today

one: courier new, what are you doing on my blog?
two: it's snowing in tacoma and my parents have me trapped in this backwards, republican, unfriendly cesspool.
three: i made this blog to publish things that made me seem civil and relatively content with academics/friends/love, but i'm not a white girl so i'll resort to my old blog full of angst and grammatical fuck-ups.
four: trader joe's
five: with more free time than a fucking fetus, i'll spend all of the $60 left on my card at india cook house. samosas galore

so long, sane minds

ossa presserunt

the radio
left a volume of residue
for six years.

an adolescence of grief,
her existence is but a riddle.
the murder story of the
coming-of-age tale
no plans, no plans

now the clock is set
she has produced a most astute procedure
the inimical protocol established
a saturday, saturday.

cracks along the sidewalks of
her skeleton.
ossa presserunt
illa rumpit, illa rumpit -
there it is! An exit
run to the finish line
she will soon have seized the race.